For much of my life, I have approached challenges as merely things I could overcome, and to do so, I just need to work at them - work smarter AND harder. Get into a good school. Study hard. Work hard. Climb the ladder. Change the ladder. Climb faster. Get more fit.  After all, life is hard, right? I mean, that’s a frame of mind or a precondition I have walked around with, and so I was ready for "work harder" to be an answer to most challenges. There are no handouts and you can do anything you set your mind on, so you had better work hard. 

At the same time, I’ve repeatedly come to this big life epiphany that goes something like “let go of the wheel, stop white-knuckling life, seek the higher plan for your life…”  Each time the epiphany comes to me, it seems new and monumental and relevant because now it's in a new context, and each time the answer involved first realigning myself to what is important and then working sustainably toward that aim.   

A number of months ago, I started looking at it differently, spurred on by a comment made by Scott Kaufman, who is both a friend and coach for me, helping reflect back to me myself and my truths.  Scott shared with me how one of the most insightful songs ever written was written for children - “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”

Let's use a high level analogy: life is like a river carrying me in my rowboat to my final destination. Ideally, it’s a long and fruitful river voyage, and much or all of that depends on me.  It's a big, wide river, with many forks, and there's not necessarily a right way to go down it, but it flows and I'm in it.

Row row row your boat. Lean into life. Put my oars in the water, be present, and go forth. I’m not in a boat without oars, helpless in life. I’m not meant to be clinging to the roots on the side of the river, being tossed about but going nowhere. I can choose to fight the current and push upstream, but to what end? I’m meant to go downstream. 

I've struggled with this lesson many times in life.  I've clung to the tree roots at the side, unable to make a decision about what ti do next in life.  Should I move to that place?  Is a relationship right for me?   To what should I dedicate my efforts?  Often, in my heart I would know the answer quickly, but my head wanted to keep hashing it out over and over, like the river continuing to push on me and splash into my boat.  Like life encouraging me to let go of the sides, move past this decision and let life play out further. Stop trying to see all the twists from where I am - get in the boat and row.

Gently down the stream.  First, get aligned: as I am in the boat, make sure I figure out which way is downstream. Am I rowing a lot and feeling like I'm getting nowhere, or Is my rowing opening up life before me?  If I quiet myself (stare at a tree) and listen to the feelings in my heart, which way is it pulling me? To what degree is my life in alignment with those heart desires? What does it take to get aligned, facing downstream?   

And as I go down the river, how am I rowing? Do I have my head down, rowing hard to get where I’m going but meanwhile missing the journey itself? Is the journey energizing or tiring? Row gently and consistently. Go the distance. 

I’ve often struggled with this part. Once I know the direction and the next milestone, I want to get there, quickly. I row hard and tire myself or others out.  Maybe my form gets sloppy and I start pulling more with my arms than with my stronger legs and back.  Or another challenge is if I know I want to get from point A to point Z, I want to push forward toward Z, but I regularly have to remind myself the best way forward is to get to point B, then figure out point C, and so on.   I try to force the outcome I think is necessary rather than focusing on staying in alignment and letting things develop naturally.

Merrily Merrily Merrily Merrily. Row merrily. Experience the journey. Share in its twists and turns with others and row merrily together. Keep going, and be merry that I am a part of the journey and it is a part of me. Any twists or forks in the river present choices or obstacles which make the journey adventurous. 

Life is but a dream. At some point, the journey stops. I reach the point where the stream empties into the ocean, or the point where my boat docks and I hang up these oars. Consider that when it ends, I must leave the boat and the oars behind, and yet  I hope to remember my journey and the lessons it taught me; I take them with me, so it behooves me to make it a journey to remember.

What does it mean for life to be but a dream?   This leads to questions of where do I go when the journey is over, which I'll share thoughts on in another post.  But I think it's worth pausing to think about what things may be finite and what things may be infinite, and to not get too caught up in the finite matters.

Who's making the choices in my dream?  If life is a river running downstream, does that mean it is all predestined?  Are there not forks in the river? Choices of where to take breaks? Choices of who rows with me, or the craft I ride?   Choices of when I choose to sit on the side of the river as the story plays out?  Then there is the concept of manifestation, co-creation, and free will.  What if that which is around the bend is of my own creation?  What If I am the river, rather than floating in it?  How might I behave and what choices might I make differently?

Now consider your life story is the river

The stream is the story. 

You are in the story or you are the story. Either way, it is happening and you are in it. 

It is up to you whether you fight upstream, hold onto the bank and refuse to flow, or you point downstream and row row row. Either way, your ink is depleting. Your rowing is limited.

Row, and row gently. Rowing frantically only takes away from your experiencing the story that is unfolding. When pointing downstream, the current is sufficient to propel the story forward. Keep yourself pointed downstream and look for the forks in the river as you go. 

Row merrily. Experience the story. Share in its twists and turns with others who share the journey. Find others and row merrily together. Keep the ink and the story flowing, and be merry that you are a part of it and it is a part of you. 

Reach the point where the stream empties into the ocean, or the point where your boat docks and you exit the stream. Appreciate the stream. Make the ride one you will remember forever. Appreciate the story. Make it yours, as when it is complete, it is the story itself (and the parts of other people’s stories you interacted with) that you will carry with you.  

Questions to ponder:

1. Are you pointed downstream? Sit quietly and listen to your heart. Are you rowing gently and is life flowing? Or are you rowing frantically and feeling you are fighting up stream? Are you holding onto the riverbank and tiring as you watch the stream go by? Which way is the stream pulling you? What would it be like to point yourself with the stream and push off in the boat?  
2. If you are rowing gently and life is flowing, are you rowing merrily? What does it add to your story to row frantically or in anger? Who is to say that you will still be rowing tomorrow? Consider it joy to be rowing today. 
3. Are you actively dreaming? Are you writing and experiencing the story that you desire to carry with you when the journey is over?